Ok, may be not smashing, maybe not even acknowledging….in fact more like running the other direction only to have resistance circle around and smash into me again. Then to have the newly recognized resistance pair up with an old one, build more strength and smash into me again.
That’s been my month as I grapple with the editing process of my novel. Which editor, why, how much, what can they do, what do I want, why not the other ones, what if the choice is wrong and circle-circle-circle all day and into the night. It has been preoccupying and exhausting. Believing (in my smug self-perceived awareness), I had faced, stood up to, stepped on and over most of my barriers to accomplishing things, I find myself the novice, the newbie. It sucks but is needed.
For decades I have tried to look at my shit. A friend said just the other day said, “We will never arrive….” to which I replied “I am pretty f***ing tired of it and want to actualized right now!” Too bad, not happening and she’s probably right. The best we can do is surround ourselves with people who care enough to hang in there with us, listen intently to our droning, as we climb the mountain finding ourselves looking down, screaming, “I have already seen this, how did I get back here?”, but hopefully now from a higher perspective, one that allows us to keep trekking in this luscious but all too often exceedingly frustrating game of life.