He’s not totally gone yet.

3 months now since we lost North. Time is odd. Some things seem like yesterday, this seems much longer than 3 months. The sudden surging emotions have passed. We are settled into the day to day with our bird-brain-eating huntress cat (check the internet, it is actually a thing). Zoey knew it all along without checking.🐦 🧠

Jon hears the jingling of the collar; I didn’t until the other day. He is more tuned into those things. I keep waiting for some undeniable sign from North that he is in the spirit world just as any creature with a soul. If time passes differently in this linear world, I suppose it can be different in that realm too.

Travel has surely been easier since I was the one who scheduled and left voluminous notes about medications, walking patterns, in case of…for the house sitter; made sure they had essentials to be comfortable.

Now it’s the periodic acknowledgements like passing the pet aisle in the grocery. Knowing I am not spending 20 bucks on crack cocaine-like Ark Brushless Toothpaste chews. North didn’t communicate his wants a great deal but he let us know when it was time for one of those smelly green logs every evening.

Every now and then we get out for a walk. For 12 years we walked 363 days a year….arranging our day around the weather….couldn’t be too hot for a malamute, wanting to miss the smell of 130lbs of wet fur, avoided rain, and no blizzard could deter North.

There’s still the “What are we gonna do with the salmon skin?” moments. No calls from the neighbor about a visiting dog when the deck gate got left open. The fleeting ache driving up to the house with no need to plan for a dog rushing out. I am not particularly looking forward to when time has marched on long enough that we no longer have the panicked moments, don’t check behind our legs in the kitchen, or we merely toss the salmon skin without thought. Then North will really be gone.

North painting by Izzy Martin

Published by Findyourvoice,findyourjoy

I am a Speech Pathologist by training and trade. Authentic communication is paramount in my life. I am a prolific journaler and aspiring thinker. I am on a journey to find my voice and help others find theirs. Recently wrote a novel, releasing early spring.

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